The Grumpy Face

Mama has learned so many lessons as your precious little life was added to our family, but the most important one is dependence on God.  I have learned that my surrender to God wasn't as deep as I thought it was.  Tests and trials have a way of proving what we are really hanging onto, that little bit of control that we want to grip in our fists.  There is a sense of security in knowing you have control.  Even if you fail, you at least were the one to do it and not somebody else.  Yes, the sleepless nights and fussy days have pushed me to the point of more surrender.  I cannot do it.  It's just as simple as that.  I cannot take care of everything that needs to be taken care of.  I cannot love the lost, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, rescue orphans, or simply run a household with one baby on my own.  God has to supply the strength.  These ponderings have led me to the thought that we cannot even stand in our own righteousness.  Christ has to be the center because our deeds, even our good deeds, fall unfathomably short of God's righteous standard.  We have to come to the end of ourselves, realize the desperate state we are in, and surrender EVERYTHING to a great and glorious Savior.

I think every parent must dread the grumpy face.  It's not just the face but the heart melting scream that goes with it.  Yes, it has moments of cuteness but also moments of overwhelming helplessness.  When you've been inconsolable, it just tears at my heart.  There have been a few moments where we've both been in tears.  But as I learn deeper surrender to God, my earnest prayer is that you will grow to learn that too.

You are such a strong little boy!  Your little personality is starting to bubble over.  You take whatever comes your way and push through it.  This last week has shown me a few grumpy faces but many smiles in the midst of messed up schedules, pressure in your ears, feeding times put on hold while boarding planes or getting weighed in at the doctor, many new faces and arms holding you, and three shots to top it all off.

It all started with a middle of the night text that Mama didn't see until the morning.  Your Great-Grandfather had just had a major stroke.  That was all they knew at the time.  He was unresponsive.  They found out that his brain damage was quite severe.  So plans were made, and by God's grace and provision, you and Mama were on a plane early the next morning.  You spent that next night with Mama and Aunt Natalia in your Great-Grandfather's hospital room.  You slept through the noises of a hospital room like a champ.  Oh how I wish you could remember meeting your Great-Grandfather, but he passed away early Thursday morning.  You saw so many new people on this trip, and you even stayed awake and interacted with them.  You were in a good mood and not fussy most of the time.  I was so proud of you!  Even with the plane ride back and pressure building up in your ears, you were so strong.  But no matter how strong you become, it will never be enough.  No matter how many good things you try to do on your own, you will always fall short.  This is the human problem, the problem of sin.  God's grace alone can save us!  Christ can stand in the gap and intercede for us.  His blood has washed away our sins.  He is the perfect sacrifice!  This is what Mama and Papa desire you to learn above all else.

There is a song running through my head:

"His blood has washed away my sin; Jesus thank you!

The Father's wrath completely satisfied; Jesus thank you!

Once your enemy, now seated at your table; Jesus thank you!"

1 John 2:2  And he is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world.

Meeting your sweet cousin Caius

 Jedidiah Daniel Puglisi

Born May 30, 2012

All glory goes to God for the life and blessing of this precious little baby!  

From the very beginning of Jedidiah's life he is a little miracle that has been formed and created by the giver of life Himself.  The timing of his birth was planned by God and no other.  Mama and Papa had their own ideas about when a baby should come, but God had His hand on all the details from the very beginning.  This is the story, told from Mama's perspective on the miracle of Jedidiah's birth.  

For as long as I can remember, I have desired to be a Mother.  It is a desire that has been rooted deep within me.  I have worked with children since I was old enough to do so.  With a younger sister born when I was 7 1/2, I was able to be around babies from a very young age.  When Jeoffery and I were married in 2009 we wanted to have children but were waiting on God's timing.  Little did we know that wait would be longer than we anticipated.  But, by God's grace, it was not in our own timing.  God wanted to deliver us from false teaching and doctrine that would probably have had a very negative effect on any children he would've given us at that time.  Praise God that in December of 2011, after much prayer and searching of scripture, God brought us out of false teaching and into the light of truth and sound doctrine!  

In September of 2011, I found out I was pregnant.  I remember the overwhelming jittery nervousness of taking the test once more and then the great joy of finding out it was true.  I could not believe my eyes!  As I woke Jeoffery up and gave him the news, I could barely contain myself.    This began the journey of pregnancy and experiencing the growth of such a precious little life.  As Jedidiah grew and developed, I found great joy in learning about each stage.  It was fun to feel him kick for the first time, especially when he would kick in response to his Papa's voice.  The ultrasounds were amazing, just to see his heart beating and feel him moving around.  We had a few hurdles, all of which required trust in God.  I remember being in the hospital with what could be a sign of miscarriage, just praying and reading scripture and crying at the same time.  All I could do was trust that God had a purpose for this life and pray that God's purpose would come to fruition.  The pregnancy continued on.  He kept growing and was in perfect health.  Each appointment was great.  I loved my doctor.  She was upbeat, caring, and made me feel really comfortable.  I knew I could trust that God would work through her to take care of Jedidiah and I.  

At 28 weeks I had another ultrasound.  My doctor said she liked to make up reasons to do later ultrasounds in order for parents to get another peek at their precious little bundle.  We were not concerned at all.  They had wanted to check on the ventricles in his brain just to make sure there was no longer any dilation (they had seen some dilation at 18 wks. that could be completely normal if it went away later on).  His brain was fine.  Everything looked great, except for one comment by the technician.  She said he was measuring just a little small because his legs were a little short.  No problem, just an explanation.  We thought all was fine.  

They scheduled another ultrasound for 35 weeks, just to check on my fluid levels which were a little high.  I went into that ultrasound not thinking twice about anything being wrong.  My doctor was in emergency surgery, so I went over the results of the ultrasound with one of her partners.  It didn't look good.  She said his legs were considerably short and she was going to refer us to a specialist.  So began another journey of trust and lots of prayer.  I was to see the specialist three days later and had to just wait to find out more.

I went to that appointment praying and I left praying some more.  They confirmed on the ultrasound that it did not look lethal, and I praised God for that!  They also confirmed by taking measurements multiple times that his arms and legs were short.  They could not diagnose anything but were highly suspicious of a skeletal dysplasia or form of dwarfism.  This was difficult news to swallow.  We knew that God had plans for our baby boy, and so we started to pray.  Our family and church family prayed along with us.

I struggled at first not knowing how to pray.  Was I to pray against this or pray for God to be glorified in it and for the strength to walk through it.  So many have walked through even harder things with God bringing good out of it.  I was encouraged by a dear friend to simply pray scripture over Jedidiah because God's word is truth, so that is what I did.  We prayed as a couple and we prayed individually that God alone would  have His hand on Jedidiah's development and none of the enemy's plans would come against him.

Another ultrasound was scheduled just to check growth rate.  Time went on.  Jedidiah was also head up and not turning on his own.  We left that in God's hands too, not wanting to attempt an external version and put him at risk of distress.  It was so hard not to worry.  It took a lot of reciting scripture instead of letting my thoughts overwhelm me.  I had to focus on truth and God's word above all else.  

The next ultrasound confirmed again the small measurements.  It also showed a slow growth rate.  They decided to get him out sooner rather than later.  I had already had lots of braxton hicks, which were becoming more regular, and I was almost 39 weeks, so I knew he was ready.  Surprisingly, it was scheduled for the very next morning.  We were so full of joy and excitement at the news that he would be born!  My mom switched her plane tickets so she could be there earlier, and off to the hospital we went.  I didn't get any real sleep the night before.  I was just praying and excited that I would get to see our precious baby.  


NICU was there for the birth to examine him right away.  I was frightened at the thought of them maybe having to take him away.  It was overwhelming emotionally being prepped for the surgery.  Jeofferey was right there holding my hand.  Then I heard the doctor say that he was out and a "beautiful baby!"  As they walked him over to be examined they held him up for us to see.  He didn't even cry until they started the exam.  The next thing I knew they handed him to his Papa and we both got to see him.  Just looking at him overwhelmed us with such love and joy.  It was a glimpse of the Father's love for us, so helpless on our own.    The NICU doctor told us that his arms may be a little short but nothing noticeable.  In a later exam from his pediatrician at the hospital, the doctor said "there is nothing wrong with this baby."  Praise God for this precious life!  Praise God for his development in the womb and how perfectly he was formed!  


That day was one of the best of my life.  I was a little concerned that I might be tired with pain medicine from the c section and hardly any sleep the night before, but I was so excited I didn't want to sleep.  I didn't even feel tired.  We enjoyed meeting and holding and just looking at Jedidiah.  Then we got to introduce him to his Grandma and Cousin Sarah just a short while after being in recovery.  They were going to take him out of the room for his first bath, but they did it in the room so he wouldn't have to leave us.  It was the beginning of a blessed journey of being parents, and we didn't want to miss a single moment with him.  God had directed every detail of the pregnancy and birth.  Jedidiah was finally here!