Glory Revealed

The Grumpy Face

Mama has learned so many lessons as your precious little life was added to our family, but the most important one is dependence on God.  I have learned that my surrender to God wasn't as deep as I thought it was.  Tests and trials have a way of proving what we are really hanging onto, that little bit of control that we want to grip in our fists.  There is a sense of security in knowing you have control.  Even if you fail, you at least were the one to do it and not somebody else.  Yes, the sleepless nights and fussy days have pushed me to the point of more surrender.  I cannot do it.  It's just as simple as that.  I cannot take care of everything that needs to be taken care of.  I cannot love the lost, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, rescue orphans, or simply run a household with one baby on my own.  God has to supply the strength.  These ponderings have led me to the thought that we cannot even stand in our own righteousness.  Christ has to be the center because our deeds, even our good deeds, fall unfathomably short of God's righteous standard.  We have to come to the end of ourselves, realize the desperate state we are in, and surrender EVERYTHING to a great and glorious Savior.

I think every parent must dread the grumpy face.  It's not just the face but the heart melting scream that goes with it.  Yes, it has moments of cuteness but also moments of overwhelming helplessness.  When you've been inconsolable, it just tears at my heart.  There have been a few moments where we've both been in tears.  But as I learn deeper surrender to God, my earnest prayer is that you will grow to learn that too.

You are such a strong little boy!  Your little personality is starting to bubble over.  You take whatever comes your way and push through it.  This last week has shown me a few grumpy faces but many smiles in the midst of messed up schedules, pressure in your ears, feeding times put on hold while boarding planes or getting weighed in at the doctor, many new faces and arms holding you, and three shots to top it all off.

It all started with a middle of the night text that Mama didn't see until the morning.  Your Great-Grandfather had just had a major stroke.  That was all they knew at the time.  He was unresponsive.  They found out that his brain damage was quite severe.  So plans were made, and by God's grace and provision, you and Mama were on a plane early the next morning.  You spent that next night with Mama and Aunt Natalia in your Great-Grandfather's hospital room.  You slept through the noises of a hospital room like a champ.  Oh how I wish you could remember meeting your Great-Grandfather, but he passed away early Thursday morning.  You saw so many new people on this trip, and you even stayed awake and interacted with them.  You were in a good mood and not fussy most of the time.  I was so proud of you!  Even with the plane ride back and pressure building up in your ears, you were so strong.  But no matter how strong you become, it will never be enough.  No matter how many good things you try to do on your own, you will always fall short.  This is the human problem, the problem of sin.  God's grace alone can save us!  Christ can stand in the gap and intercede for us.  His blood has washed away our sins.  He is the perfect sacrifice!  This is what Mama and Papa desire you to learn above all else.

There is a song running through my head:

"His blood has washed away my sin; Jesus thank you!

The Father's wrath completely satisfied; Jesus thank you!

Once your enemy, now seated at your table; Jesus thank you!"

1 John 2:2  And he is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world.

Meeting your sweet cousin Caius